imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize