well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
