I CAN MOONWALK!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
