She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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