My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
