I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize