He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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