Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
