Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
