belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
