How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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