i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
