you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize