Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Randomize