Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm too high and old for this...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
