Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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