Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
