Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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