I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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