I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You are a genius and a whore.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
