I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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