I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
