guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
