Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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