Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
