I CAN MOONWALK!
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
