This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
