drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
