hell yes lets make some ravioli
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
