Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
