his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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