actually, I'm a sock model
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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