As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
