none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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