Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
