you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
