does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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