Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
What a dumb baby whore.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
