Who did Billy Mays play for?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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