what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
