I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
