He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize