Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
