At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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