Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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