You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
