I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
