I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
