I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
