its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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