I'm lost and stupid without you.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
