part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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