I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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