I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
