so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
