Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
