I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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