4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
