I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
