You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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