He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Randomize
