UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
