i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
