If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
