I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I will be naked everywhere
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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