And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
