I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
