Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
