I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I smell stomach acid.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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